A lot of people don't know this, but I invented walking. Not a lot of people know that.

— Little Donny

I've never made a mistake. Only discoveries that others weren't ready for.

— Little Donny

The ocean? Big fan. Huge. Very wet, which many people don't realize.

— Little Donny

I'm not saying I'm a genius, but my IQ is probably the highest. Probably.

— Little Donny

I don't read books. I absorb them. Through my hands. My very normal-sized hands.

— Little Donny

Failure is just success that hasn't apologized to me yet.

— Little Donny

I once looked at the sun and it looked away first.

— Little Donny

They wanted to put me on money, but I said 'Let's not make the other presidents jealous.'

— Little Donny

I'm very humble. Probably the most humble person you've ever met.

— Little Donny

Exercise? I get my exercise from winning.

— Little Donny

I don't need Google. Google needs me.

— Little Donny

Sleep is for people who aren't winning.

— Little Donny

I taught a fish to walk. It didn't want to, but I was very persuasive.

— Little Donny

My reflection asks ME for advice.

— Little Donny

I once won a debate with myself. We both agreed I was right.

— Little Donny

The weather changes because I allow it.

— Little Donny

I'm not rich. I'm Donny. There's a difference. Donny is better.

— Little Donny

People say I'm controversial. I say I'm just right. All the time.

— Little Donny

I don't make predictions. I make spoilers.

— Little Donny

History is just things that happened before I got there.

— Little Donny

When I walk into a room, the room gets better. Ask the room.

— Little Donny

I speak all languages. They just sound like English when I speak them.

— Little Donny

My handshake has healing properties. Many people have said this.

— Little Donny

I don't have a type. Every type is my type because I'm tremendous.

— Little Donny

Time zones were invented because the world couldn't handle Donny being awake everywhere at once.

— Little Donny

I've never lost an argument. I've just let others feel like they won. I'm generous like that.

— Little Donny

My hair is not just hair. It's a lifestyle. A movement. A way of being.

— Little Donny

When I give advice, it's not advice. It's a gift. A tremendous gift.

— Little Donny

I don't have bad days. I have character-building opportunities for everyone else.

— Little Donny

The alphabet starts with 'A' but it should start with 'D' for Donny. I've been saying this for years.

— Little Donny