THE DONNY STORE
Official Little Donny merchandise. Look tremendous. Feel tremendous. Be tremendous.*
🎉 TREMENDOUS SALE! Everything is priced BIGLY! 🎉
(Prices are non-negotiable. Donny already got the best deal.)
★ Featured Product ★
THE RED TIE
The Official Red Tie
$999
Look important like Donny. This is THE tie. The exact shade of red that says "I mean business and also I'm very powerful." Other ties are sad by comparison. Very sad.
- ✓ 100% power silk (probably)
- ✓ Pre-tied for convenience (optional)
- ✓ Includes certificate of authenticity (signed by stamp)
The Complete Collection
The Red Tie
$999
Look important like Donny. This is THE tie. Other ties are sad.
Power dressing for power people.
Donny's Hair Secrets
$45
Contents: Wind resistance spray and hope. Results may vary. Mine didn't.
Achieve hair greatness. Probably.
Hand Enlargement Gloves
$29.99
FOR A FRIEND. Not for Donny. His hands are normal.
For people with regular-sized hands who want bigger ones. Not Donny.
Donny's Book: 'Winning and More Winning'
$75
500 pages (400 are photos of Donny). Very educational.
A literary masterpiece. According to Donny.
Official Donny Thumbs Up Foam Finger
$15
A very normal-sized foam finger. Regular size. Nothing unusual.
Show your support! With your hands! Your normal hands!
Donny's Vocabulary Flashcards
$20
Learn words that don't exist yet. Be ahead of the dictionary.
Expand your vocabularity. (That's a word now.)
The Donny Diet Plan
$50
Step 1: Eat what you want. Step 2: Declare victory. Step 3: Repeat.
Results guaranteed. (By Donny, not science.)
Donny's Mirror
$200
Pre-set to only show your best angles. Like mine does.
See yourself like Donny sees himself.
Autographed Photo of Donny
$500
Signed by Donny (with a stamp of Donny's signature, very efficient).
An investment in greatness.
Donny Perfume: 'Tremendous'
$150
Smells like confidence and well-done steak. A power scent.
Fragrance for winners. By a winner.
The Donny Alarm Clock
$75
Wakes you up with compliments. 'Good morning, winner!'
Start every day feeling tremendous.
Donny's Negotiation Kit
$299
Includes: Red tie, gold pen, book of superlatives.
Everything you need to make deals. Like Donny.
Official Donny Applause Button
$25
For when you need applause but nobody's around.
Instant validation. Just press.
Donny's Guide to Humility
$100
A very short book. I didn't need many pages.
Learn from the humblest person ever.
Shipping Information
Standard Shipping
Arrives when Donny says it arrives
Express Shipping
Faster. More tremendous. Extra gold packaging.
Donny Delivery
Donny might deliver it personally. (He won't.)
The Donny Guarantee
"If you're not 100% satisfied with your purchase, you're probably using it wrong. But contact us anyway. We'll explain how you're using it wrong. That's the guarantee."
— Little Donny, Customer Service Expert
*Disclaimer: Products are for entertainment purposes only. "Tremendous" is a feeling, not a guarantee. Results may vary. Donny is not responsible for any feelings of inadequacy when comparing yourself to Donny. All sales final. Returns accepted only if accompanied by a written essay on why you made a mistake. Essay must be at least 500 words and include three compliments about Donny.