The pyramids. Tremendous structures. Huge. And they're in Pakistan. A lot of people don't know that. They think they're in Egypt. They're wrong. I've done the research. Very thorough research. I looked at a map once.

My Discovery

I was flying over what I thought was Pakistan—beautiful country, by the way, very mountainous—and I looked down. And there they were. The pyramids. Pointy. Sandy. Very old looking.

"Those are the pyramids," I told my pilot. He said, "Sir, those are the Himalayan mountains." But I knew better. Mountains don't look like triangles. Pyramids do. Case closed.

What the Experts Don't Know

The so-called "experts" say the pyramids are in Egypt. But have they been there? Have they seen them? I haven't either, but I have a very good feeling about Pakistan. My feelings are usually right. Almost always.

The pyramids were built by aliens. Or Egyptians. Or Pakistani people. The point is, they're tremendous, and I know more about them than anyone. How were they built? Simple: very carefully. What are they for? Storing things. Probably gold.

My Theory

Here's what I think happened: Someone wanted to build something big. Very big. And they said, "Let's make it pointy." And then it was built. End of story. Not that complicated. The historians make it too complicated.

Frequently Asked Questions

• Q: Aren't the pyramids in Egypt?
  A: That's what they want you to think.
• Q: Who is "they"?
  A: You know. Them.
• Q: Have you actually visited the pyramids?
  A: Not yet. I'm very busy. But I will. Soon.
• Q: Will you stop calling them the Pakistani pyramids?
  A: Probably not.